On Writing

"Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go."

E.L. Doctorow

The above quotation sums up the way that my focus on writing has expanded from just the end finished product to thinking about the process itself. Writing as a process can help you to learn what it is you think about a topic and what you know. Again it is that plunge into the unknown that makes writing frustrating and exhilarating. Freewriting into rough paragraphs can then provide the fodder for later ideas and other ways of looking at a text; it can expose the gaps in your research and help to find new ways of structuring a piece.

More than anything I've found by thinking about the process the end result seems to happen in a less stressful manner, and so my body takes on less physical stress. As at the end of the day the ability to think with clarity and write are bodily processes. For example tiredness after a bout of insomnia can leave you feeling drained, tetchy and sluggish. It can feel difficult to focus. These are not ideal conditions to start writing part of a complex theoretical work but this is not to say that on those days where you are not well rested you shouldn't try to write. A little and often goes a long way. Think tortoise and not hare.

Exploring Submission

Submission (Entre Ses Mains) by Marthe Blau

I began reading this novel with excitement, optimism and intrigue, the way that I approach all of the novels that are potentially of interest to my PhD material. I start by reading the book straight through in one sitting. I try to focus on the plot and the way that it represents female masochism. In the back of my mind there is always the glimmer of hope that one day I will find a book where the protagonist is a strong woman, who chooses to submit and can sustain this kind of relationship whilst maintaining her own independence. A woman should have her friends, work, family and the D/s relationship but I am yet to find a novel that portrays such a woman. [If anyone knows of one, do let me know!]

Initially I found the prose to be incredibly strong and enjoyed the way that I became absorbed in its atmosphere. I felt as though I was inhabiting the woman's mindset because the sex scenes were so vivid that one could easily imagine what was happening. This also helps the reader to understand her perspective in the relationship. This excitement continued in terms of my PhD when I found a reference to Vanessa Duries's novel Le Lien (The Ties that Bind) as at the time I'd planned on including writing on this book for my PhD. My positive feelings for the book ends here.

My main frustration with the novel focuses around the depiction of the protagonist herself, who risks her bourgeois life (husband, child, good job as a lawyer) for the sake of the adventurous lover who gives her orders. In response she becomes dependent, stops eating, risks her job and can't concentrate on anything other than him. A case of 'need' and obsessive fixation on someone else. It shows this kind of relationship to be destructive to any sense of a woman having her own life and responsibilities. Perhaps it is because I am seeking to find a positive depiction of heterosexual female submission that fuels my dislike for this book but I do wonder what it the point of writing yet another book that shows a woman being troubled by her sexual desires and thus unable to function in society anymore. Does the existence of all these books suggest that it isn't possible to represent the kind of relationship where one submits but still maintains their own identity? Have any novels been written that fall into this remit?

Self-Reflexivity

Lately I've been thinking a lot about simple ways to improve my happiness. This was inspired by Gretchen Rubin's 'The Happiness Project' blog and book. I have become much more self-conscious about the way I go about the world and whether I am reaching my own idea of potential. I think this project has come to me at a time when I am ready for it, which fits the saying that when you are ready to learn the teacher will reveal itself to you. Why am I telling you all this? The chapter of the book that I finished over lunch was about allowing yourself to embrace your passions. I'm already doing quite well with this, since mine are finding out about new ideas, discussions, writing and reading. I'm trying to think of ways that I can reflect this in my daily life. For a while I've wanted to use this blog as a place to store quotations, ideas, thoughts and fleeting moments, so my conclusion is that I'm going to start posting something at least 5 days a week. Let's see how I go!

“Well-being is attained by little and little, and nevertheless is no little thing itself.”
Zeno of Citium

Fat and Fashion...

Finally the whole host of exciting Fat Fashion blogs have been recognised by none other than the Guardian. Last week Kira Cohrane wrote an article titled 'Young, Fat and Fabulous', where she comments and discusses the work of some brilliant fat fashion blogs.

Here are some of my personal favourites to keep an eye out for:

• Corpulent
• Fashion Hayley (Australian Fashion magazine stylist)
• Fat Girls Like Nice Clothes Too
• Le Blog de Big Beauty (in French)
• Young, Fat & Fabulous

There's a few to keep you going but it excites me that this area of fat and fashion is being recognised beyond the Fat-o-sphere. It seems it is being acknowledged as something special in and of itself. I hope that long may this continue to expand.

Thoughts on Fat and Fashion

Just now I was reading the article 'Fat is a humanist issue' by Marianne Kirby over at Comment is Free in the Guardian (don't read the comments). It made me think about the role of fashion for fat women, and yes here I'm referring to what Kirby describes as the 'marginally fat' (I imagine this means those that struggle to fit into mainstream shopping sizes - even a size 14 can be plagued by this phenomenon). This led me to ponder whether fashion blogs such as What Katie Wore, where a photo is taken of a slender woman (probably size 8) in a different outfit everyday, would a similar blog be as popular if it was someone that was a size 16? size 20? size 24? size 28? Or is it that she has such a slender figure that makes us so excited by the blog? Would such a blog be possible if it were by the fatter woman? You know what, I'd like to see a fat woman try a similar project - wear a different outfit everyday for a year. I mean it'd be amazing if they could catch the interest of designers etc.

A girl can dream... I don't think I'd be brave enough to tackle such a project or willing to spend that much on clothes but I'd love to see it exist somewhere. Perhaps in time...

I'm joining InAdWriMo 2009!!

Ok thanks to Alice Academic's post that I read this morning, I've decided to join in the challenge of InAdWriMo. It is the academic alternative to NaNoWriMo (Aim: write a 50,000 word novel in a month), which was started by Fumbling Towards Geekdom in 2006.

The aims are as follows:

• Write as much as you can and get those niggling projects finished at least in the rough draft version.
• Post a word count progress bar on your blog
• Write about your progress on your blog
• Register at this post so you can receive moral support from your fellow academic writers.

I'm going to use this as inspiration to help me complete the following tasks:

• write more on my dissertation (7,000)
• write progress review documents (2,000)
• write my conference paper to present end of next week (3,000)
• write a shitty first draft of my book chapter (8,000)

Well I'm going in to start some of this writing and hoping that I can think through my fingers! Best of luck to any of the rest of you who are participating in InAdWriMo 2009 (and to those other academic dissertation writers)!!

Word of the Day

Lubricity (noun) - feeling morbid sexual desire or a propensity to lewdness

I'm not sure when (if ever) I will use this word but it struck me as unusual and interesting, so I wanted to record the time that I first came upon it.

Apologies for the lack of posts, I've been rather lost in my own world.

Inspirational Quotation

'If you knew when you began a book what you would say at the end, do you think that you would have the courage to write it? The game is worthwhile in so far as we don't know what will be the end.'

Michel Foucault

This quotation is giving me to write everyday even when I'm not sure what to write about, as by writing I'm discovering what I want to argue, to read and how to piece things together. It feels exciting. My current goals are to write a minimum of 500 words a day (though it is often more than that).

I will update shortly on my developing thoughts on genealogy and its usefulness for my project, as that has been the main focus of my daily writings for the past day or two.

Genealogy

I have been seeking the cohesive thread of my PhD through writing, playing and exploring. The idea I have latched upon is to create a genealogy of ideas, texts and films that examine, represent and explore female masochism. So far, so good. But then the questions start.

What does genealogy mean generally?

It makes me think of family trees. The idea of a line of descent that is traced continuously from an ancestor through to more contemporary texts.

How do I hope to use it? How will it benefit me?

I want to examine the genealogy of discourses surrounding female masochism. By this, I mean that I want to see how the varying arguments fit together, how texts (I am using this in the broadest possible sense to refer to theoretical works, medical ideas and other cultural products) influence one another, and whether it is possible to trace some kind of genealogy. Or would using the term 'history' be more useful?

I am going to finish this post with some questions because that is where my head is at at the moment.

• What is the difference between a history of discourses on x and a genealogy of discourses on x?
• Is the concept of a genealogy useful?
• Which theorists should I use if looking into this idea of genealogy, as a way of referring to the influence and cross referencing that occurs between texts?
• Does self-awareness that a text belongs to a specific discourse suggest that it is possible to trace its genealogy?

If anyone has any thoughts on any of these issues, I would be interested to read your comments.

Sleep

It is vital for our well being and to ensure that we can go about our daily activities. It helps improve memory, process emotions and allows our bodies to repair themselves. But it is not always so simple to achieve just the right amount of sleep.

'A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.' Charlotte Brontë

I'm sure most of us have experienced this at some point or another. Those long nights where thoughts continue to whirl around your mind long after being snuggled down under the covers. Now there are many places that will tell you to only use a bed for sleep or sex, and whilst I believe these are important where's the reading? To me being in bed with a good book is wondrous. I find losing myself in another world, ideally a fictional one that is several steps removed from my academic work, can soothe my mind so that sleep descends upon it. I couldn't count the number of times that I wake up with my hand still holding the book open on the right page and the light on. This is why I'd recommend investing in a good long-life bulb for the bedside lamp.

What about too much sleep? Those nights where you awake for a few moments just to plunge back into another dream. Nothing seems to rouse you for very long. Your own world is the most seductive. These are not 8 hour sleep nights but ones where it's 12, 15 or sometimes even 24 hours out of 30 (the latter is usually from some kind of illness). It's as though your body will not permit you to do anything other than dream. I find these days confusing because when it comes around to bedtime there is rarely any difficulty in going back to sleep again. These sleeps are vital for healing, comfort and restoration in a time of crisis or transition. This aspect brings me to Sarah Shun-Lien Bynum's book Madeline is Sleeping that is a dream-like book of sexual awakening, coming of age and a girl Madeline who has been asleep for a long time reminiscent of Sleeping Beauty. I will discuss this in more depth another day, but for now I will leave you with part of the opening fragment of the book:

'hush

HUSH, MOTHER SAYS. Madeline is sleeping. She is so beautiful when she sleeps, I do not want to wake her.

The small sisters and brothers creep about the bed, their gestures of silence becoming magnified and languorous, fingers floating to pursed lips, tip toes rising and descending as if weightless. Circling about her bed, their frantic activity slows; they are like tiny insects suspended in sap, kicking dreamily before they crystallize into amber. Together they inhale softly and the room fills with one endless exhalation of breath: Shhhhhhhhhhhhh.'

Madeline is Sleeping, p. 1